September 30th 2025

Today I found out that I still have journal posts up on my old website from when I was in high school. I can't believe I've been doing this for so long. I can't really remember high school very well at all anymore so I'm glad I still have those posts. My first journal entry is an account of the queen's death haha. Delighted by my description of Cas and Dean as "the two Supernatural dudes in the superhell scene" oh how times change. It's kind of funny to read through these and see the ways my speech is exactly the same as it was back then, I really haven't changed much huh, weird since I feel like an entirely different person living an entirely different life. In one of these entries I talk about a manga I bought that I had never heard of before, I wonder if I was talking about Young Ladies Don't Play Fighting Games? That seems most likely to me. This was all the way back in 2022 though so who knows. I found this quote from one of my entries really interesting

"-once i'm finally done with the hellpit we call highschool once and for all. i'm so excited for it to be over -- i feel like i've just become a worse and worse version of myself the more school piles on the pressure. like i kind of feel like i'm regressing to the bitter angry person i was in middle school due to the stress i'm under right now. it's kind of disheartening to feel like the progress i've been making in my worldview is getting washed down the drain but i'll just keep my head up and get back to work on my perception of the world once i'm not so busy that all i can think about is how tired i am."

I don't remember feeling like this at all. I know I wasn't very happy in high school but I don't remember being overwhelmed with work or anything. I don't know if it's sad or not the way these things slip away. This was June of my final year of high school, I wonder what I was working on. I guess I'm just kind of in an endless cycle of trying to be a better kinder person while feeling like stress is making me worse. Hopefully I've made some improvement at least. If anything these entries are reminding myself that things are better now than they were, even if I feel overwhelmed or lonely a lot of the time. The only thing I can really say for certain I miss and isn't tinged with rose-coloured glasses is my friends. I still keep in contact with a handful of people from my hometown, but none of them were people I met in high school. I had some pretty good friends back then and I hope they're doing okay.

Reading this has reminded me of one of my all time favorite assignments from high school! In my comtech class we had a self directed assignment where I chose to create my own magazine cover for a shoujo manga magazine. I wonder if I can dig it up it was so fun to work on. I guess some things never change about me lolol :]

September 23rd 2025

Hi new notebook. I should be working on homework right now. I am very tired though so eh. I wish they would put an extra day tomorrow just for me so I could get caught up on everything I am behind on. I would take an hour too though. Every time I think about Persona 3 I just think about how stupid lucky they all are. You know how many things I would do for just one extra hour in the day? Jesus. I have been watching a lot of Supernatural lately. That is why there is a picture of Castiel in the background lol. Although... I've been so caught up with homework lately that isn't exactly true. I've been spending a lot of time thinking about how much I wish I was watching Supernatural. How's that? I have to get up for an eight AM lab tomorrow which is annoying and sucks. But I guess it's whatever. Although it makes me less inclined to stay up late finishing this assignment I wanted to get done tonight. Ugh. Sorry this is turning into such a complain-fest. I am just very overwhelmed by university all of a sudden lol. You experience The Symptoms for like two days and suddenly your room looks like a pack of angry monkeys came through it and you're behind on twelve assignments. Whatever. September is also just a very busy month for my family which makes getting back into the swing of university very difficult. New Supernatural comic comes out late October. I am very excited. It was supposed to come out like next week but got pushed back a bunch which sucks but hey it's still coming out and is confirmed for at least three issues so I have something to look forward to. Still sad it's happening between S1 and S2 though. I love Jo and Ellen Harvelle BTW. If anyone even cares. Imagine if we got a whole spin-off show about them. It would have been so perfect it could have been set when Ellen and Jo start hunting together and have more of a focus on hunters as a larger community than SPN does (at least as far in as I am lol). I spend all my days thinking to myself "what if SPN was about women" TBH... I want it so bad lol. Anyways, signing off now. Goodnight everyone :]