augh. people are so Mean sometimes, just for no reason. it makes me so sad every time i see it. one of my friends rebloged someones post with a joke about jaytim and they rebloged back telling him to kill herself. like why on earth do people do that? they aren't going to, thankfuly. but how would they know if he was in a bad place mentally and that would be the thing to tip her over the edge. they doubled down too when people were like hey what the hell, and said multiple times they wanted my friend and their friends to kts. it's just such a horrible thing to say. i wish people were nicer to each other online. is a fictional ship really such a serious thing that someone disagreeing with you makes it okay to treat them with no decency whatsoever? i think people get this idea in their head that as long as they're "morally superior" they can do and say whatever they want. it doesn't matter if you're cruel to people, as long as you're doing it in a way that isn't "bad". idk.

i don't really want to talk about that anymore. it's been a couple hours, i just got dinner. i'm listening to like real people do on repeat. i feel like i'll die if i have to go to class tomorrow. i have five hours straight of class right over lunch, it's miserable. despite being in university i get to pick none of my classes and almost none of their times. ough i don't want to go back it's so miserable in those classes. monday is worse though, exact same time but one of the classes is horribly boring and makes me feel so drained to listen to and also the prof usually lectures the entire time. at least tomorrow i have a chance of being let out early :] this is also boring though what should i talk about...

um. year of the OTP is kicking my ass. i have three more days to finish writing it and i just started today. am not happy with any of the ideas i thought up based on the prompts. which is tragic because they're good prompts. i can't wait for june thats basically the only month i have a solid idea for. i'm going to write a fic where (DO NOT LOOK AT MY THE TIMELINE SHHHHHH) tim is going to college in bludhaven and dick is putting him up while he studies, and in return tim is "volunteering" at the police station as a cover for helping dick weed out corruption in the BPD. tim is starting to explore his sexuality because what else is college for, and within about two days of living with dick he becomes acutely aware that he has had the biggest crush anyone has ever had on dick since age thirteen. he does not react well to this. but! there is this cute guy at the police station, and he's gay, and maybe close to dick, and- (ten years older than him). tim is very obviously (to the reader) trying to use gannon as a proxy for dick. gannon meanwhile, wants absolutely nothing to do with this college kid who is clearly head over heels in love with his (work) partner hitting on him. he is Too Tired For This Shit, but he's also deeply sympathetic and can't find it in his heart to just leave tim to his pining, but he also doesn't want to make it into a Thing so he just kind of... starts being a little nicer than he normally would to tim while he's at the station and trying to encourage him to date his peers instead. this, predictably, backfires horribly. tim thinks he's making headway and dick thinks gannon is trying to get with tim, gannon wants nothing to do with any of this. ugh i'm tired i'll talk more later maybe goodnight.

i'm writing this in a rush before i leave for the bus in uh... 12 minutes... because i feel like i haven't updated this in ages. i've been so busy lately. something very sad happened recently so everything just feels like it's so much harder than normal. like this was basically my greatest fear - but a fear i knew was going to happen eventually, no matter how many nights i stayed up dreading this, it didn't prepare me for the reality. i don't even really know how i feel. weird. i guess. sad mostly. but also kind of nothing much at all. i went to a valentine's social with my friends the other night which was fun. most of us are single so it wasn't like a sad third wheel moment. we sang and it was embarassing but fun. i also tried this food i hadn't had before yesterday, it was really good but i burnt the roof of my mouth and can still feel it. i don't mind so much though, it's kind of like having a solid bruise to poke, but not as fun. i'm going to the comic book store before class today, because i was supposed to go on the weekend but wasn't able to, now i'm like super behind on picking up this comic that came out that i pre-ordered. i'm so excited to read it, it's been driving me crazy waiting. other than that not much has really been happening. group projects are killing me slowly as per usual but that's about it. i have a job interview soon... so hopefully that goes well T_T i hate job hunting, it's the worst. i think that's kind of all i've got right now i hope everyone is having a lovely day :]

hi i'm in college i talk about it sometimes (a lot. you might notice i have very little going on in my life), and it is killing meee. i'm so stressed like not eating not sleeping stressed it isn't great. The Group Project From Hell as it will henceforth be known was designed in a lab to kill me. honestly i'm just bad with group projects in general forever. ugh i just need it all to be over and seasonal depression is kicking my ass too which is uh. not awesome. i am having a hard time holding out until spring.

it isn't all bad though! i've been playing persona 5 royal and i started re-reading vampire knight today. i just want to stay in my room all the time and read comics i was not made for the outside world dude. the DC valentine's day comic came out today and i have yet to finish it. the plot for the damian issue came straight out of a fan-fiction i swerar, they literally have tim and damian go on a practice date. also further evidence of this is jason calling tim "replacement" instead of "pretender". brendan hay i know what your ao3 history looks like you can't hide. OH ALSO bernard calls tim timboo in it. i try so hard to tolerate bernard because he is half of the canon bisexual tim drake equation but he just. i can't stand him dude i really can't. timboo. be so for real. every time i remember that bernard got brought back to be tim's boring annoying boyfriend and ives still doesn't even exist i die a little inside. i'm not even really a timives guy i like them sure they're cute and fun but they're not top tier to me or anything, but i just want ives back so badly y'all i miss him T-T

goodeveningggg i am so tired but i said i'd try to keep up with this. so here we are :] why is this centered... wtf dude T-T okay fixed it false alarm. i've been playing sososo much persona 5 thats basically all i have to report my life isn't super interesting. i went to the lab and did coursework and then i did like nothing all day. i'm pretty sure i sat on the floor for an hour doing ??? something but idk. i'm re-reading death note and light is kind of adorable honestly. like yes he is a mass murderer and i oppose everything he stands for. but i'm reading the special full color edition for the first time and his eyes are so brown??? so yeah. do you guys love gatorade? i feel like this is as good as posting my full name if any of my IRLs see this but guys i fucking love gatorade i need you to understand. it's like the necter of the gods. the best way to have gatorade is to hardly drink anything allll day so you're super dehydrated and then wait until like 12:00AM and it's actually the most refreshing thing you'll ever experience in your life. my gatorade raving is currently being interupted by my neighbours singing loudly. because why wouldn't it be. it is well after dark where i am if anyone is wondering lol. i'm sosososo excited to move out i do not think anyone on my floor has ever considered that the people who live around them have lives that do not involve them. ough i'm bitching again sorry lets move on. i really do try not to be a hateful person i just get my patience tested a little when i'm frequently woken up by loud parties at 02:00AM. i feel like thats okay. but enough about that, i love sleeping in its soso wonderful. i get anxious if i sleep in past like 09:00AM but just like. till 08:00AM? laying awake for a little while under the blankets? actually one of the best things a human being can experience. i think that's really all i've got for today so gn y'all o7

hello netizens :] ough that might be a little dramatic for a journal entry that's probably going to devolve into me bitching about group projects... i don't want my journal to give off the impression that i'm a bitter sort of person... but group projects just bring out the absolute worst in me. i have this semester long group project that's already kicking my ass, there's five of us and i'm having to micromanage everyone like they're six. i've kind of ended up group leader by accident and needless to say i'm not enjoying it; but i'd definitely be even more miserable if i wasn't project lead. if i don't maintain a certain average i'll lose my scholarship, and it's money i desperately need, not to mention my program is an honours degree so i'm totally toast if my grades slip.

just took a ten minute break from writing this to edit one of my teammates work and have chilled out. i find it very difficult to stay mad at people tbh, even if this is frustrating and stressful. maybe i can come up with something else to talk about... um i have class tomorrow. thats not very exciting hrm. i have an assignment thats almost due that i need to do a ton of work on... but i can only work on it in the computer lab which is a total bummer. i've been playing a lot of persona 5 lately which has been nice. i got into it like five years ago before it was on switch and i am dearly lacking in a ps4 so i could only watch it on youtube... regardless i fell in love and i'm so happy to finally be able to play it. it's like getting to see the game through a whole new lens, especially since i've changed a lot in the past few years. i love ann sososo much now, and i'm incredibly excited to get to meet makoto in game. this game is so everything tbh.

i don't know what else to say... i should probably be sleeping soon anyways. especially since i have to get up early tomorrow for class. oh actually, today is the day tiktok was banned in the US for a couple of hours. it's quite baffling to me to be quite honest, i'm not american and i don't use tiktok so i really can't begin to grasp the full context. i'm disgusted by the government overreach obviously, and even though i have my gripes with tiktok that i could go on forever about, this is absolutely not how i want it to go out. your government should not be allowed to stiffle your speech like this and it is deeply concerning to me that they have. it concerns me even more that this is so obviously a publicity stunt for trump.

that's all i'm going to say on that, as i said, i lack full context, and i don't like speaking on politics when i'm not fully informed. regardless, it disgusts me and i wish all americans the best of luck as trump takes office (honestly i wish everyone the best of luck, trump is already threatening to fuck up my countries economy, which is Great /s)

i suppose i should record the events of today, that is kind of the whole point of this place, to retain what my terrible memory does not. you know when you wake up and the blankets are like the coziest thing you've ever experienced and you feel like you'll die of 10000 cold chip damage if you leave? that was me this morning, it was miserable, i love winter, but i can't wait for it to be over, i'm usually a 7:00AM type of guy, regardless of what time i "need" to get up. i like showering early in the morning since it wakes me up, i like being one of the only people in the dining hall for breakfast, and i like getting an early start to my day, but it's so difficult to get up when it's dark out... it's hard to say which is my favorite season, i love winter because of how beautiful it is, and i run unbearably hot most of the time so it's nice to just go outside in the snow and have a comfortable body temperature for once. i also feel like the cold is deeply clensing, i feel Clean when i go outside and breathe in a big lungful of freezing air, and i miss being able to do that when it's warm. but my depression gets so unbelievably bad during the winter that it kind of almost outweighs all of that. i feel like i can't do anything, and i waste all my days doing nothing. i feel like i should be hibernating or something lol

um i was talking about my day... i basically just did class work all day, it was kind of boring. but i also messaged back and forth with a dear friend of mine all day which was nice. it's so sad that i don't get to see my friends in person much. even my IRL friends mostly live in other cities. i have a few college friends, but a lot of them seem to have made it their lifes work to misgender me or talk constantly about how transgender i am so it can be tiring to be around them, no matter how much i like hanging out with them. i guess i should be more patient since they're a bunch of cishet dudes and probably haven't met a lot of guys like me, but it's still disheartening. i put a lot of effort into being more masculine, and my stupid voice seems to ruin it all. it's honestly really caused me to lose confidence in myself this past year, which totally sucks. i don't know if this is too personal to post about... i'm generally a private person in my regular life though and i don't typically feel comfortable talking about this sort of thing, even to my closest friends, so maybe it would be good for me to talk about this stuff, even if it is into the void.

that's about all i did today, and it's past my bedtime as i'm writing this. i try to go to bed at 11:00PM every night because i'm an old man in the body of a young person. but i've kind of been falling off lately. you stay up late one night and then it just keeps getting worse and worse as the nights go on. does this happen to other people as well? i went to sleep at 2:00AM the other day when i had to wake up at 8:00AM, i'm used to getting my full eight hours, so that sucked lol. i used to stay up till 3:00AM and wake up at 8:00AM pretty much every day in high school, and sometimes i'd stay up till 3:00AM and wake up at 4:00AM. i don't know how i did it. i know why i did it, which was because i was like fifteen and had a crush on someone in a totally different timezone lol. i kind of miss when i was like that. i don't think i'm really capable of romantic attraction anymore, but i remember the wealth of emotion it created still. i'm probably better off like this in the long run though, and without a partner or a crush i have more time to play video games which is nice. i should sign off now i guess. sleep well yall :]

PS i guess i'm not sleeping, i live in a university dorm, and for some reason they've decided to test the alarm announcement system at 11:22PM. i love this place.